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Intuition Vs. Ego
It’s January 24, 2020. I’ve just gotten into Philadelphia from a 5-hour drive from Virginia. I am here for a Women’s Support Summit called Still Standing Together started by a friend of mine, Daniela Galdi.
In January 2019 I attended the very first networking event of the Still Standing Together group. This is where I first met Keri. I was attending the event to find encouragement to take my practice to the next level. One year later I was back for the groups very first Support Summit for which Keri was a speaker.
I was here to support the founder, Daniela, in getting last-minute preparations done and to attend with my business, TENHealth & Wellness. It was all business for me. However, Daniela turned it into a mini-momcation, or as she dubbed it, Tarcation. I am, now, 9 months postpartum. This trip was the first I had been away from the baby for any longer than one night.
Daniela booked me a session at Halcyon Floats. I was absolutely excited about this experience. I had been wanting to do a float session but like many working/entrepreneurial moms, I kept putting my self-care off. This is ironic because my practice is all about creating space for other women to show up for themselves. This time Keri and Daniela were helping me to show up for myself.
The Experience
I had a client call that morning. My practice is virtual which helps me stay connected to my clients no matter where I am as long as there is WiFi and a private room. After my call, it was off to Halcyon Floats on Girard. I found parking right in front with plenty of time to enjoy my float without worrying about the PPA.
I walked in and immediately felt relaxed. Not just relaxed but that alignment was taking place. Calming energy washed over me. Time seemed to be slowing down. The place was not crowded. It was very intimately welcoming. I felt like I was home, exactly where I was supposed to be.
Keri talks me through the process, shows me my room, where the lounge is, and of course the restroom. I get settled into my room and it feels like mine for the next hour and a half. Of course, it is mine to use for that time. Forget the element of time; it is my space where no phone rings, no husband is yelling for help, no baby is crying, the dog is not being ushered in-n-out of the house; just me, uninterrupted quiet me-time where time doesn’t exist.
I get showered to rinse, put my earplugs in, throw the head support disk in the pool, and ease in for my float. I take a few deep breaths and do a few shoulder circles to release the tension. I take one last deep inhale and slowly ease myself back as I intentionally exhale to keep me from holding my breath. This helped me ensure I didn’t bring the tension back that I just released.
I first noticed that I was holding my hip flexors, then noticed I was still holding my head slightly. I take another breath to let the rest of the tension go…. Then, I hear it. My pulse. My heart. This drumming in my ears. A key indicator of the stress, worry, and anxiety that has built up in my body. I remind myself it is going to take my body and mind some time to undo the knots.
Next thing I know, I’m fidgeting. I find myself wanting to control what my body is doing. At that moment, memories surface about other times this has happened. My first meditation session, my first Reiki session, even my first massage I fidgeted in some fashion. I pumped the brakes on trying to control my body and continued to let my body fidget.
As I fidget, a childhood memory surfaced. It’s me sitting at the dinner table which had benches instead of chairs. I would never sit my butt on these benches to save my life. I constantly changed positions throughout dinner. It drove my mother crazy. She once asked me if I had ants in my pants. My five-year-old self took it as a literal question. I hated bugs (still do). So, I dropped my pants in a panic frantically asking her to get them out with my butt now up on the table. I totally grossed out my brother who was twelve at the time. I now own this table. I still sit on my knees or with one leg stretched out.
I am then transported to my years in college. I would fidget the same way when I went from my dance class to my three-hour lecture class. That was absolute torture for my body. I fidgeted non-stop in these lectures. Between the high energy of the dance class to the race down Broad street; there was no time for my body to calm down. It would take at least an hour and a half of the lecture to bring the energy down.
Here I float: arms stretched overhead, down by my sides, up behind my head; right leg crossed over the left-nudge myself off the wall, left leg crossed over the right-nudge myself off the other side of the wall. Then I do some random twist of my legs that I can’t even describe. I start laughing at myself. This is clearly my body’s way of unwinding. It’s absolutely funny to me because I’m now embracing the process. Anyone watching me would have been yelling, “LAY STILL ALREADY!”
Then all of a sudden, boom. I am out. Not asleep, not awake, but that in-between state. A meditative state, similar to a Yoga Nidra class or a breathwork class which, by the way, I fidgeted through both my first experiences. This in-between place is where you get in touch with your intuition, your higher-self, you. It’s where your worries, fears, anxieties around the questions you’ve been searching for answers to fall away. You gain clarity through emotions of what matters.
My Emotions
I realized just how much I missed Philadelphia, how much my soul is connected to the city. I feel a wave of gratitude and awe wash over me for the city, the connections I maintain, and the connections I am still building. As these strong, positive emotions wash over me; I feel the vibrations of this energy.
My emotions shift to my husband in the form of gratitude, love, appreciation, and the desire to be there for our family. All that matters to me is to enjoy every moment with my family and to blend my Philadelphia life with my Virginia life. My business and my family make my soul sing. That’s it. All the worry, fear, anxiety around them vanishes.
The light turns on. My session is over. I sit-up as though only five minutes have passed. I start moving with intention. My mind is quiet. So. Quiet. I shower and enjoy the peace in my mind. I take in the new warmth of the water, the floor under my feet. I get dressed and head into the lounge. It’s just me sitting with a glass of water acclimating to my surroundings. No nagging thoughts. My only thought is what I want to do next and nothing else. The rest of the day was euphoric. The effects didn’t stop at the end of the day. They carried on through the rest of the weekend.
Moving From Emotions to Intentions
A new understanding of my path came to fruition through these emotions. These emotions are reflective of where I wanted to be. It was my intuition coming through. My absolute knowledge without a doubt that I was on the right path.
Intuition is constant support for your desire. It’s never confusing. It is always constant. When we reflect on the feelings behind our goals, dreams, desires; that feeling of absolute knowing without any doubt is intuition. Intuition tells you, you are on the right path even when you feel like everything is falling apart.
For example, my fear is not having enough income to support myself. As a small business owner, this fear creeps up a lot. When I feel like this I resort to finding additional work. Jobs that do nothing to support my dream but only support my fear. The process makes me feel in control. The whole time, my intuition is continuously guiding me back to my passion where everything is stable. At that moment, I push through fear to continue to feed my passion which always, always continues to feed me.
Why does this happen? As the euphoria of our float session wears off it is replaced with rationalization. We start to look at where we currently are which isn’t where we want to be. We start to ask ‘how do I get there’ to that place I felt during my float session. The question of how is the seed of doubt driven by fear. Here is where your ego steps in (mine too, she's a real B). The ego is constant confusion. As humans, we rationalize all of our experiences by overthinking the events of the experience. We want control. We want to have a plan that we can layout before us and know what's going to happen each step of the way.
This is our ego getting in our way. Instead of focusing on where we are right now and how it’s not where we want to be; we need to focus our attention on what we do have that feeds our desire. We need to hang on to the emotions we felt during our float session and bring them into our present long after our float session is over.
“In order for things to change, you have to see them as you want them to be rather than continuing to see them as they are.” - A. Hicks
You have to acknowledge your feelings. If something makes you feel negative emotions, it’s not the right fit. If something makes your soul sing, it is exactly what you need. It is that simple. Life is more simple than we make it out to be. We get in our own way, we over complicate things, we think there has to be a more complex answer or way of doing things. We’ve been taught to think like this as adults.
We’re taught through life experiences that this is how the world works. When we think these thoughts make us feel bitter, sad, depressed, misaligned. These emotions arise because intuitively you don’t always agree with this thinking. This is my specialty as a Wellness Consultant. I meet you where you are in the present moment and guide you to where you want to be in lifestyle, career, home, family, and health by helping you align with your feelings.
I broke free of the misaligned thoughts taught to me about “how the world really works” years ago. I quit my corporate, paralegal, job and opened my own practice the same year I got married. I knew there was so much more to life than the way I was living it. I help others live their best lives.
Tara Haislip is a Certified Nutrition & Wellness Consultant specializing in light work. She is the founder of TENHealth & Wellness an online nutrition and wellness consulting practice. Tara has an accomplished 18- year dance career including a BFA in Modern Dance Performance from the University of the Arts, Philadelphia.
After suffering an injury early in her career, Tara’s healing process started with holistic wellness practices which progressed into nutritional support for whole-body wellness. It was then she discovered her passion for wanting to help others live healthier lives. In 2017, she created TENHealth & Wellness, teaching clients to manage their health through nutrition and lifestyle changes.
Phone: 804.577.4585
Email: tenhealthwellness@gmail.com
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